If you knew you couldn't fail........

I never thought I would feel this happy after my son dropped the bomb on us last night that he is the fourth floor "care rep" part of his psychology major responsibilities, of caring for his fellow students. The role involves counseling students who have been involved in rape, who need condoms, who think they might have an STD, and so on. Honestly, my feelings were ambivalent. I was so proud of his willingness to serve, but I have strong feelings about sex being the best in the confines of marriage, so the distribution of condoms from room 403 is really not what I thought college would be about for my boy. After a lot of dialogue though and reassurance that he feels the same, he explained about his role and how he gets to talk to kids about the choices they are making as well, it was really cool to hear about the difference he is making as the Care Rep....on the 4th floor of his little dorm here at Montana U. Now before everyone starts sending me hate mail, don't.

What I realized last night after he left was that I hadn't really affirmed him because I was very conflicted. So today I had a little repair work to do. You see our kids don't always get involved in what we want them to be involved in, but what I am most proud of is that he is involved. He is a leader. When I was his age I was just too insecure to join or lead anything. He is out there making a difference, in campus crusade, and in care rep, and in working on the carousel here in town doing wood working, he is volunteering his time and talent in a multitude of ways. Things that never would have crossed my mind at his age to do. Things that simply would have seemed so bizarre that I couldn't have fathomed putting myself out there, like he is doing. So yes, I am proud of him, and I had to tell him so today, and that I was wrong to judge the method of his making a difference, because it didn't fit in my "box" I couldn't give him what he needed from me the most last night, a good old fashioned, I am proud of you...just because you are you.....that would have been enough.

Today was great though, he explained why this is an important part of what he is learning in his psychology class, and listening to people, and confidentiality and all of that good stuff.

To the best of my ability I am working to listen with out judgement and just listen to what is over there. What if my son was able to keep someone from getting a disease that would take their life, or change their life forever by being a care rep on his floor? I don't know I still have a lot of conflicting feelings, but about him I am just amazed at his courage to step out and take risks. To go on paths his dad and I never did or would, to be a little trailblazer.

I pray he will never lose that. I wonder when I did? What in life keeps me from stepping out into new areas that God would have for me - maybe not passing out condoms :) but maybe passing out food to the poor, or starting a new venture, or adopting another child.

I have a little paperweight in my office, and it reads like this:

If you knew you couldn't fail, then what would you do?

Well, what would you do?